Student Comments
Amitai ( Israel )
In-Sight Quest For Teens - Summer, 2003
When I arrived at ISES, I had reached a point in my life where I felt very disconnected from my environment. I did not appreciate the friendships I had and found it very hard to connect with people on a real level. I had isolated myself over the years and it had made my life dark and cold. Dealing with everyday routines was a grim task of holding what self security I had and building a daily shell around me. I had friends, but I did not feel that they really understood me.
I was always analyzing myself, looking for defects, trying to understand what went wrong with my personality. What made me different? I had been going to a psychologist for a while but it didn't help much. I did find, however, that my parents' divorce had a much more powerful impact on my life than I had thought. I always had a slight tear at the back of head, ripping me between my mother and my father. They had a healthy relationship, but I found myself and my little sister in the middle quite often.
My experience at ISES with the Cushing family was not a breakthrough, nor was it a magical fix for my problems, but it was a start. It put me back on the right path towards fulfilling myself and letting myself shine. Just being there, deep in nature, breathing in the healthy environment, allowed me to re-evaluate myself as a person. It let me drift away from anything that was bothering me back home, be it my family or my social life.
They put me in a routine that involved working here and there, feeding sled dogs and hawks, clearing trails, mowing the grass, washing dishes, making meals, doing my laundry and other daily tasks. The family accepted me with open arms, and I was assigned to take care of a young Kestrel (falcon family) as a personal project, a duty which kept me in focus throughout my stay.
The program introduced me to new facets of life through the experiences of other people. When you stay with a family for a while, sharing the same home, you get to know the people very well. You learn to love their specific personality traits, you really understand them. It was these experiences that sparked my journey towards restoring my faith in humanity.
Through the various activities I participated in while I was there, such as workshops, a camping trip and hikes along the forest trails, I gained tools and social abilities that I might not have received elsewhere. Being at ISES didn't give me fish, it gave me a rod, which is much more important long-term.
When my departure grew near, I began to worry that my renewed feeling of security would fade away once I returned home. In a way, it did. I still found it hard to connect to people, I still analyzed myself a lot, but eventually I realized that this was ok. This was who I was and am today. I am not a very social person, and I still find it hard to communicate with people from time to time, but that doesn't matter.
Being at ISES gave me the courage to try things I had never done before. It was the beginning of a journey. I continued to work on myself and later went through a course designed to maximize personal potential. I took things I had learned at the school and things that I had learned elsewhere and eventually managed to rebuild myself into a stronger person. It was a process, but it worked. I didn't leave ISES as a new man, but I was calmer. I had woken up from a long slumber, and I had found some peace of mind. In the end, that was all it took.
Today, a year and a half later, I can say that I am much more confident in myself and appreciate myself much more than I used to. The program was the start. It opened new doors for me. My personal experience at ISES with the Cushing family was one I will remember for a very long time.